Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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