Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize