Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
