i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
