We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
