The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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