So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No stitches, just platelets and will power
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
