I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
