remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
