I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He felt like a one man threesome
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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