Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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