R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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