I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
