new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize