he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize