This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
