Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
