He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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