How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
