Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He felt like a one man threesome
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
