i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
