We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
