i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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