You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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