Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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