You made me cry and you don't even care
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
