At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Green mimosas i think yes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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