im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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