he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
