1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
