i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
