I hate your face
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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