I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
