I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
