i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
