you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you had me at cake vodka
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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