Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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