everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
