All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
