the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize