Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
