I wannas sexs uuuuu
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
