You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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