Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
