I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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