My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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