TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
