it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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