my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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