I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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