And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
