im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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