Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
