he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
