Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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