Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
