and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize