why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
