The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
