you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
