It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize