What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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