I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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