my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
