I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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