wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You took a bar mat shot.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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