Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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